Perils Of Parker: Lady Penelope, 1966

Perils Of Parker strip guide - part 1

Writers: Vicky Shaw, Angus Allan.
Artists: Gerry Embleton* (issues 1 to 21)
& Peter Ford* (approx issue 22 onwards). 1 page, b/w.

*The two artists shared a studio at the time, so Gerry Embleton admits there was a 'crossing over period', and each would help the other to meet deadlines.

Lady Penelope Issue 01, dated 22 January 1966
'ello everyone. 'er ladyship thought it would be a good idea to give me a page of 'er magazine to tell you all about me... she did say I 'ad to start after the time I met 'er, said it wouldn't be right to tell anyone about my life before - anyone would think I was a crook! come to think of it I suppose I was really, but a very honest one... sort of Robin Hood, I was. robbed the rich and gave it to the poor - me being the poorest bloke I knew! anyway, 'ere goes - the perils of Parker, or the life and times of a bloke what went straight.
Parker has just entered Lady Penelope's employ and needs clothes suitable for his position as butler and chauffeur. He is reluctant to be measured by her Ladyship's French dressmaker, but Lil solves that problem by tying Parker to a table. The new clothes arrive and Parker rushes to his room to try them on. He doesn't feel quite confortable with the new image - until he completes it with a stripy jumper and his old burglary mask.
Notes:
• The French dressmaker refers to Parker as M'sieur Perkins.
• Parker has what appears to be a valve operated radio in his room.
• The clothes arrive in a box from 'Wickfens' - a reference to Elaine Wickfen, fashion designer, salon owner and friend of Lady P, who also makes her debut in the Lady Penelope strip of this first issue.
• He offers this advice: If you can't beat 'em, fool 'em.

Lady Penelope Issue 02, dated 29 January 1966
I don't suppose I told you about me new craze. Well, what with workin' on Fab One an' that, it was only natural I should get involved, you might call it, in the workings of cars...
Parker becomes obsessed with racing cars and decides to 'soup-up' the lawn mower to make Perce's job easier. But the hot-rod lawnmower is too powerful for Perce to handle, and he looses control of it. Parker tells him to hold on as it will run out of petrol in half an hour, but fate intervenes and Perce crashes into the mansion, leaving him less than grateful for Parker's helping hand.
Notes:
• One of Parker's boxes of machine parts appears to contain high powered retro breaking packs, and the label reads: Do Not Bounce. Postmen haven't changed then...

Lady Penelope Issue 03, dated 05 February 1966
You could 'ave knocked me down with a feather when I got a letter from me old 'work' mates! I never thought they'd remember me...
Parker receives a letter from S.L.O.B.S. (the Secret League of Burglars and Safebreakers) inviting him to a reunion. He meets his old friends and they all congratulate him on leading an honest life. However, when Parker arrives back at the mansion he discovers he has one last piece of breaking and entering to do: he's forgotten his house key!
Notes:
• Parker wears a swimming cap with the letter P when he takes a bath, and he has a rubber duck.
• One of Parker's old friends is called Creeptoes.
• A framed portrait at the reunion shows a man posing with a blown safe.

Lady Penelope Issue 04, dated 12 February 1966
Though I don't like to keep 'arping on it, before I came to 'er ladyship's I led a very 'ealthy life climbing up drainpipes, crawling through windows and suchlike...
Parker realises he is out of condition. He sets himself a vigorous exercise regime, eats only vitamin pills, and drinks lemon and carrot juice. After a week of this he's in worse condition than before he started and begins hallucinating, imagining the mansion to be made from food. Deciding that healthy eating can be taken too far, Parker returns to the foods he loves.
Notes:
• Parker has a burglar's eye-mask hanging from the headboard of his bed.

Lady Penelope Issue 05, dated 19 February 1966
Isn't it just my luck! I knew 'er ladyship 'ad given Perce instructions to grow some special blooms, but I didn't know they was going to be chrysanthemums...
Perce's chrysanthemums are put on display in the hall of Lady Penelope's mansion. Parker is allergic to the flowers and so replaces them with plastic ones... without telling anyone. Lil expresses her surprise that the flowers seem to have lost their fragrance and that the petals don't drop. Concerned that Lil might discover the swop, Parker sprays the plastic flowers with aftershave and pulls off some of the petals. However, Lil is allergic to Parker's aftershave, and has a sneezing fit which lasts through the night. What a pity her bedroom is next door to Parker's...
Notes:
• Parker waits until night before he sprays the plastic flowers... and he wears his robber's eye mask to do it!

Lady Penelope Issue 06, dated 26 February 1966
Isn't it marvelous! Lil would 'ave to be ill when 'er ladyship 'as special guests to dinner... I've never cooked a chicken in me life...
Parker knows nothing about cooking and so decides to follow a cookbook recipie to the letter. All is going well until a breeze flips over a few pages of the book and he unwittingly follows a mixture of recipes. The resulting meal is a mess. To save the day he serves a meal he can cook: Haricots sur pain Grillé - beans on toast!
Notes:
• The shelves have some interesting cook books: La Cuisine For Beginners (1,000 Potato Dishes), Mrs Beat'Ems, and the one Parker uses, Simple Cooking For Simple Cooks.
• La Cuisine For Beginners (1,000 Potato Dishes) is written by P. Kelleher. Gerry Embleton's agent was Pat Kelleher at the Temple art Agency. And yes, Pat was Irish, hence the potato dishes! Ah, for the days before political correctness.
• Lil's kitchen has some extremely technical looking equipment in it - unless this is a graphic representation of Parker's perception of it.

Lady Penelope Issue 07, dated 05 March 1966
Lil is an 'oroscope maniac! She believes all this stuff about stars and zodiacs what are forecast in the papers...The other day she 'ad a go at reading tea leaves...
Lil reads in the tea leaves that Parker will meet a dark, good looking stranger who will cause havoc in his life, but he is sceptical. Later, he finds a black and white kitten in Fab One and thinks he'd better keep it out of Lady Penelope's way. The kitten escapes, and his attempts to catch it result in Parker kicking over a coal scuttle and having a bit of trouble in the branches of a tree. Finally he tracks the kitten to the top of a high wall and tries to entice it down with a fish on the end of a rod. Lady Penelope, misunderstanding the situation, thinks it cruel of Parker to torment an innocent kitten. Well, Parker's day has been filled with havoc, but Lil didn't say the dark, good looking stranger would be a human being!

Lady Penelope Issue 08, dated 12 March 1966
I thought I'd have a nice peaceful evening watching the telly. I'd just got out the chocs when...
Parker's Dream
While he's watching the news on TV, Parker hears a report that Pilfering Pete has escape from Dartoway Scrubs prison (Pete being someone from Parker's old ‘working life’). Later that night, Parker is awakened from a pleasant dream to find that Pilfering Pete has broken into the mansion. Pete protests that he has only broken in to give a hand with the chores, and so Parker sets him to work. Pete's first task is to polishing all the silver, and that is followed by cleaning all the pans in the kitchen. Parker has a long list of jobs for him to do when he's finished those, but few hours of this is more than enough for Pete, and he begs Parker to call the police to take him back to prison - he was a lot better off in there!
Notes:
• Parker dreams that Lady Penelope is his chauffeur!
• In his dream, one moment Parker is wearing a top hat, the next moment he isn't. But it is a dream.
• The name of the prison, Dartoway Scrubs, appears to combine the names of three real prisons: Dartmoor, Holloway and Scrubs Lane.

Lady Penelope Issue 09, dated 19 March 1966
I found myself wandering round the local art exhibition at the village ‘all... that’s where I must have picked up the painting germ...
Parker is not impressed by modern art. If that's art, than he reckons he could paint modern stuff, and decides to enter a competition to win £10. After a few practice paintings, he gets to work on his entry piece - a painting of Lil holding a vase. Parker is angry when Lil criticises the end result, and he throws a pot of paint at it, vowing not to enter it in the competition. Lil feels sorry for Parker, and she enters one of his paintings without telling him. A few days later, parker reads in the local paper that the prizes for the competition winners are to be presented that night, and he and Lil decide to attend. Once there, Parker is surprised to hear that he has won the second prize of £5 for the most original composition: his ruined painting of Lil with vase. Lil is surprised too - she had entered Parker's self-portrait! She had used the ruined painting to safely pad the self-portrait: somehow the wrong one was chosen. But is this a criticism of parker's painting skills or of modern art!
Notes:
• Parker's practice paintings are named, ‘Two China Dogs And Cuff-Link’ and ‘Self Portrait With Lunch’.
• The local paper is called the Local Trumpet.
• Was this story inspired by the Tony Hancock film ‘The Rebel’, with Lil taking the part played by Irene Handl, Mrs Cora Crevatte?

Lady Penelope Issue 10, dated 26 March 1966
There comes a time in every bloke's life when 'e feels 'e must contribute something to the good of society - and in my case - it was the 'orticultural society...
Parker invents a chemical fertiliser and tests it on Lil's bizzie lizzie without telling her. The potion kills the plant, so Lil replaces it with an enormous aspidistra. Unaware of the swop, Parker thinks his fertilizer has worked wonders and convinces Perce to try it on the garden. Next morning they find everything in the garden is dead, and Parker faints from the shock. But the fertiliser has some use after all: it smells so awful that it makes an excellent substitute for smelling salts!
Notes:
• Among the ingredients of the fertilser are... cough drops!
• Perce smokes a pipe.
• Parker's fertiliser has such a repellent smell that he has to wear a peg on his nose whilst spreading the chemical on the garden.

Lady Penelope Issue 11, dated 02 April 1966
I don't believe in this door-to-door salesmanship lark - but sometimes you 'ave to give the bloke a chance...
Parker watches a salesman demonstrate a remote-controlled vacuum cleaner, and buys two. Lil is surprised at this as they already have a perfectly good vacuum cleaner. For the next few days, Parker is busy in the attic. Going to see what he's been up to, Lil finds Parker and Perce have marked out a race track and are using the new remote-controlled cleaners as racing cars!
Notes:
• This story has a nice visual joke of Lil tied and gagged (by Parker) to stop her interfering in the salesman's demonstration!

Lady Penelope Issue 12, dated 09 April 1966
You never can tell with kiddies - and I learnt my lesson the 'ard way. I was out one day, shopping in the village...
The vicar asks Parker to take the place of a conjurer at the children's annual tea-party, the booked conjurer having been taken ill with flu. Parker does his best, but makes a mess of the act and ends up feeling humiliated. But the children tell him it was the best tea-party ever, and that he ought to be in a circus...which he decides to take as a compliment.
Notes:
• Parker puts on the conjurer's suit only to find it is far too big for him. Commenting on the man's size, Parker says: ‘By the size of this suit, it must 'ave been a big flu germ to get 'im down...’

Lady Penelope Issue 13, dated 16 April 1966
What with it being Lil's birthday, and 'er being a good sort really, I suppose, I decided I'd get 'er something special...
Dismissing his first idea of buying Lil a mink nose-muff, Parker considers getting her perfume. Unimpressed with those on sale in the shops, he decides to make his own. He buys daffodils from the florist and, using techniques similar to wine makers, crushes the flowers in a vat by stamping on them. He collects the liquid, but not having a suitable bottle to hand, he puts it in a tea pot, and presents it to Lil. She's most appreciative, but to Parker's surprise she thinks he has made her favourite Daffodil tea rather than perfume.
Notes:
• One of the shops Parker looks in appears to be called 'FAB Gear'.
• Among the commercially available perfumes Parker tries is one named 'Eau de Mersey'.
• When he crushes the daffodils with his bare feet, Parker comments that Lil will like the personal touch. Well, he is putting his 'sole' into it!

Lady Penelope Issue 14, dated 23 April 1966
Poor old Albert, it's the same every time he comes to deliver 'is letters... only this time I'd never seen 'im looking so tattered...
Albert the postman is attacked by a vicious dog each time he tries to deliver to one of the houses on his route. Later, whilst browsing in the lost property office, Parker has an idea which might help Albert. He buys four pairs of false teeth and, back at the mansion, gets to work on the teeth and an old alarm clock. Parker shows Albert the result of his tinkering: he has combined the workings of the clock with the teeth to make automatic gnashers. They have bands to attach them to Albert's elbows and knees, and Parker encourages the postman to face the dog while wearing them. Albert is doubtful, but does as Parker suggests, and the idea works. As impressive as its own set of teeth might be, the dog realises it has bitten off more than it can chew!
Notes:
• The teeth are on offer at 20% off, and Parker pays four shillings per set.

Lady Penelope Issue 15, dated 30 April 1966
I don't know what's been the matter with Lil. 'er cookin' has been 'orrible lately. Every day for the past week she's given me kippers!
Fed up with kippers, Parker goes fishing, hoping to catch something for Lil to cook. After fours hours he hasn't had a single bite, and so gives up. On his way home the bus breaks down - outside the fishmongers. Using his fishing rod from the upper deck, he 'catches' a herring from the Fishmonger. Taking it home to Lil, he awaits in anticipation as she uses all her culinary skill to make a meal of the fish - only to find she's made it into a kipper. But as Lil remarks, ‘It takes a really good cook to turn an ordinary herring into a kipper!’
Notes:
• The bus has a conductor. It used to be the case that buses had onboard staff to collect fares whilst the vehicle was in motion, thus saving time and tempers. Nowdays, it has been seen fit to replace this excellent system with one whereby passengers queue up outside the bus for half an hour so they can buy a ticket from the driver.
• The bus conductor has a mechanical ticket machine. The destination, boarding stage, etc., were entered by physically rotating dials set edgewise into the machine, and the tickets would be printed on a roll of paper when the conductor turned a handle.
• Lil claims to have taken evening class cooking lessons at the Savoy.

Lady Penelope Issue 16, dated 07 May 1966
I was thrilled to bits when Lil told me 'er little niece was coming to stay for a week. Mind you, I'd never met her before...
Madeline turns out to be a muscle-bound terror, and insists on trying out her judo and wrestling on Parker, who comes off worse. While reading a book on the life of Houdini, Parker thinks it might be an idea to see if Madeline can escape from chains - after all, it might keep her out of his way for a bit. However, when Lil rushes to the pantry to find out what all the noise is about, it is Parker who is wrapped in chains, and hooked high up on a wall. Lil offers to get Perce to help him down, but Parker decides he's better off where he is until Madeline goes home!
• Madeline looks angelic but most definitely is not. At one point she appears to be using an axe to cut down all the trees in the garden!
Notes:
• Madeline looks angelic but most definitely is not. At one point she appears to be using an axe to cut down all the trees in the garden!
• Madeline calls Parker 'Mr Parkies'.

Lady Penelope Issue 17, dated 14 May 1966
It's a shame that 'er ladyship can't attend all the do's she's invited to... still it gives me the chance to get about a bit..
Lady Penelope asks Parker to take her place in opening a new Teenage Club. Lil suggest he get some suitable clothes for the event, and so Parker visits boutiques and buys flower-power outfits. He's prepared a hip speech for the opening, but is shocked to see a classical orchestra entering the club. He changes his speech to something more appropriate for a high-brow audience, sending most of them to sleep, but then finds the orchestra plays classical pop-jazz! Realising he'll never keep up with the rapid changes of life, he decides to age gracefully.
Notes:
• Parker pins a notice to his bedroom door: Parker's Pad - Do Not Disturb.
• One of Parker's pullovers has the words 'Parker is go' as a continuous band around the waist.

Lady Penelope Issue 18, dated 21 May 1966
It's marvelous what you can do with a little imagination... and some big rolls of gardening string...
Perce is trying to sow seeds for a lawn, but birds eat them as fast as he can sow them. Parker suggests he needs a scarecrow, but isn't impressed when Perce uses a portrait of Parker to frighten the birds away (although it does work). But when violent storms wash away all the seeds, Parker comes up with a plan to protect the potential lawn. Using huge rolls of string, and with flagpoles for needles, he and Perce knit a gigantic jumper, with Parker calling out the knitting instructions. Parker is so pleased with the result that he considers making a cover for Fab One next, which is fine with Perce as long as he can call out the instructions this time.
Notes:
• The gigantic jumper has a letter P on it.
• Parker tells Lil that he got the knitting pattern out of the Lady Penelope Magazine. Issue No.18 does indeed have a knitting pattern for a jumper with a letter P on it!

Lady Penelope Issue 19, dated 28 May 1966
After all the bank robberies that 'ave been going on, I decided I'd keep all my savings at 'ome where I could keep an eye on 'em...
Parker counts the money in his piggy bank only to find some of it is missing. He sets a trap to catch the thief only to discover he has been stealing his own money while sleepwalking! He decides to open a bank account after all, but points out to the manager that he does not want to destroy the piggy bank itself. The manger has the ideal solution and takes Parker to a vault which contains shelf after shelf of piggy banks! It's a good thing Parker doesn't work in this bank: he'd sleepwalk his life away!
Notes:
• This story does not quite make sense. At the beginning Parker is able to remove his money from the piggy, but at the bank it is implied that the only way the money can be removed is by breaking the china pig.
• The contents of the piggy bank appear to be one shilling and sixpence (pre-decimal currency).

Lady Penelope Issue 20, dated 04 June 1966
I can always tell when I'm run down - I start dropping things...
After a number of breakages and accidents, Parker decides that he needs someone to remind him how wonderful he is if he is to get his confidence back. He purchases a parrot from a pet shop, and after many attempts - hypnosis, loud hailer, and a ball and chain attached to its leg - he gets the parrot to repeat "Parker is marvelous! Parker is wonderful!". With his confidence restored, Parker is accident-free once more. But when he finds the parrot sitting in its seed bowl and pulling its feathers out, he realises the bird needs its confidence boosted, and they swop roles. Trust Parker to buy the world's only parrot with an inferiority complex
Notes:
• Parker's bedroom has the motto Home Sweet Home on one wall, and on another is a portrait of a man wearing a stripy t-shirt and an eye mask: Uncle Joe Parker.
• A sign in the pet shop reads: Special Man Eating Snails 4 1/2d (four and a half pennies in pre-decimal currency).
• There appear to be two bats hanging from the ceiling of the pet shop, just inside the front window.

Lady Penelope Issue 21, dated 11 June 1966
A couple of weeks ago, 'er ladyship decided to throw a fancy-dress party. I was really looking forward to it...
To Parker's disappointment, Lady Penelope tells him that he will have to officiate at the party and greet the guests as they arrive. Parker is convinced that one of the guests is Perce disguised as a policeman, and he takes the man's truncheon and hits him over the head with it...only to find it is a real policeman! Parker is arrested and taken to the station where he protests that he is Lady Penelope's butler, but as he was arrested at a fancy-dress party the police are reluctant to believe him - after all his butler's uniform could be a costume.

Lady Penelope Issue 22, dated 18 June 1966
What with all the good weather, I decided I'd take me day off down at the coast... to get away from it all...
Parker tries to pick up a prize on a mechanical claw machine...but the machine picks his pocket instead! Later he goes to the beach and builds a sandcastle, but that soon looses its novelty value. He decides to take a trip on a Mystery Coach Tour...only to find on arrival that the mystery destination is Lady Penelope's mansion. Not much of a mystery perhaps, but at least it's home.
Notes:
• A pinball machine at the fun palace has a sign which reads: Score Only 15,000,000 to win a gum drop.
• When Parker decides to take the Mystery Tour he comments, ‘Can't be any worse than the fun I'm 'aving now!’.

Lady Penelope Issue 23, dated 25 June 1966
I must be soft - or something... taking on the job of looking after Farmer Dimworthy's dog while while he went off on holiday...
The dog is an Old English Sheep dog named Herbert, and Farmer Dimworthy asks Parker to make sure the dog gets some excercise. Parker takes Herbert with him when he goes duck shooting, hoping the dog will collect his kills, but Herbert just sits there. The same thing happens when Parker throws sticks for Herbert to fetch. Hoping to get the dog's attention, Parker wears the head of a mop as a wig and pretends to be another sheepdog, but Herbert remains unresponsive. Then it occurs to Parker just what's going on, and he brushes the dog's hair out of it's eyes. His suspicion was correct: Herbert's been asleep the whole time - he's an Old English Sleep dog!
Notes:
• In the Creighton-Ward mansion there is a portrait of a man wearing a Judo outfit and carrying a baton (or sword). The legend reads: 'Uncle Peter'. The first point to note is that this portrait is neither in the kitchen nor in Parker's room, so just whose uncle is it? One of the Creighton-Ward robber-barons perhaps? The second point is that this is another of those friendly jokes by the illustrator, and represents Peter Ford. Gerry Embleton describes him as, 'a very dear friend who sadly died of a heart attack in his early 50's. He was known as "Judoka Ford" - great big smiling Maori like man, 3rd Dan judo master who ran a judo club in Poplar. Ex-para sergeant, amateur opera singer, school teacher etc. A much larger than life character.'

Lady Penelope Issue 24, dated 02 July 1966
Perce is always moaning about something... last week he started trying to get at me... but I soon put 'im right...
Latin Tags And Topiary
Parker and Perce each think the other has an easy life, so they swop jobs for the day to prove it. Both make a complete mess of the unfamiliar tasks. Perce mows the carpets, labels everything in the kitchen with latin tags (as he would normally do for the plants) and adds a floral display to the FAB One. Meanwhile, Parker has indulged in some creative topiary, made a complete mess of planting the garden and painted the shed with a target (unless it's more modern art). They are about to have a punch up, but Lil brings them to their senses by knocking their heads together. Then it occurs to Parker and Perce that Lil is the one with the easy life...
Notes:
• Parker cuts the hedges into the shapes of some of the Thunderbird crafts. Security Hazard alert!
• Some of Perce's mock Latin tags used in the kitchen are: Cayenne Hotcha (hot pepper?), Salis Domesticus (domestic salt), Parva Leo (small lion - this is on an Hen's egg stamped with the Lion brand, so a small egg?), Pocula In Toto (cup complete - the only unbroken cup perhaps?), Broomium Liliana (Lil's broom), Calor Canis (hot dogs? - this is attaced to a string of sausages), Frigibus Tableorum (fridge by the table?).

Lady Penelope Issue 25, dated 09 July 1966
During the winter, 'er ladyship's swimmin' pool got a bit musty, so she decided to 'ave another one put in...
Lil remarks that Parker and Perce can have swimming competitions now that the new pool is installed. Parker doesn't want to admit that he cannot swim, so he waits until night when he can practice while no one is around. Parker finds he's pretty good at back stroke - with the aid of an inflatable ring - but then he bumps into something unspeakably horrible in the pool. He tells Lil about it and they return to the pool together. She shines a torch into the water, which reveals the monster to be Perce. He can't swim either and came up with the same idea as had Parker.
Notes:
• Before he returns to the pool, Parker adapts various household items as armour and weaponry, and ends up looking somewhat like the Tenniel drawings of Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee in Alice Through The Looking Glass.

Lady Penelope Issue 26, dated 16 July 1966
I've always found it 'ard to get up in the mornings, but it's been really chronic recently... late every day...
Parker fills his room with a variety of alarm and cuckoo clocks to make sure he wakes up on time. The following morning all the alarms go off, but Parker sleeps on: he only wakes when Lil throws a bucket of water over him. Then Parker has an idea. The smell of breakfast being cooked is sure to wake him up, so he rigs up a Heath Robinson contraption to cook bacon and eggs at a set time. The following morning, Lil is very surprised to find Parker is up at the right time - but covered in egg and bacon! It looks like the machine needs a minor adjustment...
Notes:
• Parker's breakfast-alarm has some interesting components: Sizzors Servo, Bacon Releese, Egg Firing Mekanizum, Egg Kracker. The spelling is Parker's own.

Lady Penelope Issue 27, dated 23 July 1966
Me and Perce were 'aving a friendly game of cards the other day, when I found my powers of concentration goin'...
The two are playing snap and Parker calls. He thinks he is getting past it when Perce points out that Noddy does not match Mr Big Ears, but Perce assures him that he just needs to exercise his brain. They begin a game of chess, but Lil tells them to move as lino is to be laid in that room. Perce and Parker watch the workmen putting down the new linoleum, and its pattern of black and white squares gives Parker an idea. When the workmen have left, Parker and Perce use the lino pattern as a gigantic chess board, with potted plants as playing pieces. However, the floor is filthy by the end of the game, and it looks like they will have to clean it. But Parker has another good idea. He calls an advertising company and gets them to film him while he cleans the floor with their marvelous cleaning product. Lady Penelope sees the advertisement on television a few weeks later and she asks Parker for an explanation. He tells her the whole story, beginning with his concern that his mind was going, and finishing by telling her how he and Perce got paid fifty pounds each for cleaning a floor they had to clean anyway. Her Ladyship tells Parker he need have no concern about loosing his mind as he's obviously still as crafty as ever!

Lady Penelope Issue 28, dated 30 July 1966
'er ladyship was givin' a garden fete for charity, and me, Lil and Perce were asked to 'elp out...
Parker is assigned to the giant-doughnut stall and Perce is put in charge of the skittles: Lil will make a cake which is to be the prize for correctly guessing the number of marbles in a jar - a number known only to Parker. The doughnuts don't go down too well at the fete as they are far too hard, and when the time comes to announce the winner of the cake, Parker cannot remember how many marbles are in the jar. Lil tells him that he is hopeless, and his doughnuts were inedible. Perce protests that he ate one, and Parker indicates that he ate one too...which reminds him just how many marbles are in the jar, eight-one-two, 812!

Lady Penelope Issue 29, dated 06 August 1966
Was just nipping down to the post office last Tuesday, when...
Parker volunteers to be a part-time fireman and, after having his eyesight and ability to detect smells tested, he's accepted. Of course this means that he can no longer do the various chores Lil sets him as it is important he stay by the telephone in case an emergency call comes through. There is indeed an emergency call, and Parker is sent up a ladder to rescue a man from a burning building...but the trapped man has to bring carry Parker back down the ladder! Parker has fainted, and the brigade doctor realises he forgot something - to test him for fear of heights.
Notes:
• The fifth and sixth lines of the doctor's eyechart read HOTPOT and DANDRUFF respectively. The seventh line might say something too - DOG FACE ME, possibly - but it is too small to read clearly.
• Parker's sense of smell is tested by standing him outside the firemen's billets and asking if he can smell burning. The ‘aroma’ is Fireman Fred burning toast, and has attracted a number of animals as well!
• While he waits for an emergency call to come through, Parker reads a book called Great Fires by A. Canon - get it? - you 'fire' a can(n)on.

Lady Penelope Issue 30, dated 13 August 1966
Summertime, with the twittering of birds, the humming of bees - and Lil's constant nagging...
Lil has a variety of tasks lined up for Parker, who wishes he could be as free as the birds...a thought which leads him to try a number of experiments in flight. One attempt - a basket with a number of balloons attached - works...until a crow bursts the balloons. Parker falls beside a bird nest in the branches of a tree, and the mother bird tries feeding him a worm. He is rescued from this by a passing policeman who suggests to Lil that keeping Parker hard at work will stop him indulging in these childish pranks!

Lady Penelope Issue 31, dated 20 August 1966
I 'ad a week's 'oliday coming to me... and for the life of me, I couldn't think what to do with it...
Parker elects to go to Honeysuckle Health Farm: for some strange reason he thinks this will mean sunbathing, fishing and swimming. He is soon disabused of those ideas. The day begins with an early morning cold bath followed by a breakfast consisting of two peanuts, a currant and half a pint of prune juice. Next is a sauna followed by a massage...and by now parker has had enough. He waits until it is dark and then climbs out of a window and makes his way home. Lil is surprised to see him back early, and thinks it a pity he didn't enjoy the health farm...especially as Perce has put together some excercise equipment for him!
Notes:
• The travel agent's window has some interesting posters: ‘Safari to Southend’, ‘Why Not Wander To Wigan or Prowl Around Pyrland (with a guide by V. Shaw)’, ‘Bootle - It's Loovly’, ‘Yallourn Nth’.
• The Yallourn Nth destination shows a picture of the Eiffel Tower and a gendarme, which is odd as it is actually an Australian mining town.
• Note that the Wigan guide is by V.Shaw - Vicky Shaw, the writer of these strips.
• The travel agent's window also has a model of a futuristic aircraft.
• Honeysuckle Health Farm has a number of gyms, as the signs indicate: Upstairs Gym, Downstairs Gym, Indoors Gym, Outdoors Gym, Sid's Gym, Jim's Gym.
• The sauna cubicles have dials labeled as follows: Hot, Hotter, Hottest.

Lady Penelope Issue 32, dated 27 August 1966
I'd been to the pictures one night and was a bit late getting 'ome...
Having forgotten his key (again), Parker wakes Lil only to have the door opened to him by a vision of "a skeleton with Lil's dressing gown on!" Lil is not amused and explains that she's wearing a mud pack. Parker thinks Perce could do with a mud pack too, and the next day Perce is persuaded to try parker's own version - mud from the garden. Parker is called away, and when he returns it appears the face pack has worked too well, rejuvenating perce back to childhood! But Parker has gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick...the boy is Perce's nephew, Alfred.

Lady Penelope Issue 33, dated 03 September 1966
Ain't it funny that a man like me, with special talent right at 'is fingertips, is expected to be a jack of all trades...
Lil ropes Parker into helping her make Ginger Beer, which takes up the entire day. Exhausted, Parker is about to retire to bed when he is requested by Lady Penelope to make the monthly test of the alarm systems, which involves him trying to break into the mansion. He finds all the systems are in perfect working order - including the newly made Ginger Beer, which explodes, knocking him unconscious. Next morning, Lil tells him that Lady Penelope wants him to make more Ginger Beer as it's the best alarm system they've ever had!

Lady Penelope Issue 34, dated 10 September 1966
Perce tends to get 'ysterical over the slightest thing. Last week 'e was digging in the garden...
Perce is very proud of the marrows he has grown and wishes he could get photographs of them printed in the newspapers. Later, he calls Parker to the garden to show him what might be an unexploded bomb. Parker decides to defuse the bomb himself - after all, it's his job to protect Lady Penelope - and refers to the chapter on bombs in his copy of 'Teach Yourself 'Ousebreaking'. While Parker is working on that, Perce calls the newspapers, and reporters arrive at the scene of the bomb...to find Parker holding a large marrow! This is reported with the headline reading, 'Man Detonates Prize Marrow'. So, Perce's plan to get his marrows in the newspapers has worked, but Parker is far from pleased and smashes the marrow over Perce's head.
Notes:
• Parker is reading a copy of the Racing News which has this headline: Racing Snail Swims Channel.

Lady Penelope Issue 35, dated 17 September 1966
It was great last week. The village football club 'ad asked me to be in their team, and bein' a lover of the arts, I accepted...
Parker has a practice kick-around in the garden first as he hasn't actually played football for some time. This leads to a number of accidents, including knocking off the head of a statue and breaking a greenhouse window. Parker isn't doing too well on the day of the match...until he gets hold of the ball, dribbles up the field and scores the winning goal! Now if only he'd remembered to change ends at half time...
Notes:
• The statue Parker damages has PATRONIUS KELLEHER on its plinth - another reference to Pat Kelleher of the Temple Art Agency.

Lady Penelope Issue 36, dated 24 September 1966
Huntin', shootin' and fishin' are all very well, but a posh bloke like me needs somethin' more excitin'...
Parker takes up clay pigeon shooting as his latest craze, roping Perce in to launch the targets. After a few disastrous shots, Perce decides it is much too dangerous to be anywhere near Parker when he has a gun in his hands. Then Lil enters the scene and Parker inadvertently shoots her in the bottom. He has to take over Lil's duties while she recovers, including the cooking. That evening, Lady Penelope complains that the meal tasted like clay pigeon stew!
Notes:
• Parker asks Lil if she can see him as a crack shot: she relies she can see him as a crack-pot.
• Parker reads a newspaper called Perfect Butler, a weekly gazette with a cover price of six pre-decimal pennies.
• This story is at odds with what is known of Parker elsewhere. In the Thunderbirds television series and films, he is an excellent shot with a variety of weapons, yet here he is completely incompetent.

Lady Penelope Issue 37, dated 01 October 1966
I just 'appened to 'ave occasion to look in the wardrobe the other day, and...
Lil has given some of Parker's clothes to a tramp who chalks pavement art outside the railway station. A few days later Parker notices a man wearing one of his suits leave a posh hotel. He follows and is surprised to see the man change from the suit into the ragged clothes of a tramp. Parker realises the man is not a tramp at all, but merely poses as one to beg money which is then used to pay expensive hotel bills. Parker challenges the man, but an old lady misunderstands the situation and thinks Parker is pestering a helpless tramp. She hits Parker with her umbrella, knocking him unconscious. When Parker regains consciousness he finds himself sitting by the pavement art. People are putting money into his hat, and after three hours he has collected enough to buy himself a new suit!
Notes:
• The Departures and arrivals board at the train station lists some interesting places:
Departures: Samarkand, Wapping, Kuala Wigan, Cheltenham, Newick House.
Arrivals: Yallourn Nth, Dingle Dell, Milk Wood, Petts Corner.

Lady Penelope Issue 38, dated 08 October 1966
Occasionally we get the odd enthusiast giving a talk in the village hall... like Mr. Plunkett, who's a radio maniac!
Inspired by Mr. Plunkett's lecture, Parker takes up ham radio as his latest craze, hoping to make friends all over the world. He gets a call from a man named Ho Li Chong who is from Hong Kong. While the two are chatting, Ho Li Chong receives a telephone call and soon after he turns up at the mansion...he runs the local Chinese takeaway. Parker and Ho Li Chong try contacting someone else on the radio, and reach a man named Raj Tahalo. Mysteriously, Raj Tahalo also receives a telephone call and turns up at the mansion...he works in the local Indian takeaway. The telephone calls were made by Lil who had realised who Parker was speaking to, and she has invited them over to have a meal with Parker. So he did make friends from all over the world through his new hobby - but they all live locally!

Lady Penelope Issue 39, dated 15 October 1966
Seeing 'ow you read in the papers that people are willing to pay a lot of money for painting, I decided to do a spot of daubing myself...
Parker is painting his masterpiece when a cat climbs in through the window and accidentally knocks paint onto a blank canvas. The cat then walks through the paint, adding paw prints to the mess it has already made. Parker is annoyed and gets rid of the cat. Lady Penelope enters his studio to see how he is getting on, and describes the mess made by the cat as a 'wonderful example of contemporary pop-art'. Parker passes the painting off as his own, but this backfires when Her Ladyship asks him to paint another. Now, if only he can find that cat...
Notes:
• There is a diploma hanging on the wall of the studio. It reads: Art Dip = Plastic OBE.
• There is also a portrait of a woman on the wall. It is titled 'Moaner Liza'.
• Parker's masterpiece is of fruit with an open safe. He calls it 'Still Life With Safe'.
• A second portrait, this time of a man, is titled Uncle Sid The Butcher. In the real world, Sid was a friend of artist Peter Ford.
• There is an intercom in the studio.
• There is also what appears to be one of those little plastic windmills, a bit like a flower, which were quite common in the sixties.

Lady Penelope Issue 40, dated 22 October 1966
Was waiting outside the theatre for 'er ladyship one evening last week...
Parker joins the cast of a pantomime, and is given the part of the Demon King. Lil helps him to rehearse, and come the night he is determined to get it right. His part involves a dramatic entrance through a trap door in the floor...it's just a pity someone forgot to unbolt it! After a smashing performance, Parker decides he hasn't got the 'ead for showbusiness.
Notes:
• The pantomime is Aladdin and the Three Beanstalks.
• When the director asks if he is any good with cues, Parker thinks he's talking about snooker.
• When Parker is rehearsing at home, Lil wants him to help her take out the dustbins:
Parker: 'Ow can you think of rubbish when I'm acting?
Lil: D'you want me to answer that?
• Going by the large, cursive letter 'P' at the top of the frame, Parker is rehearsing in front of one of Her Ladyship's mirrors.

Lady Penelope Issue 41, dated 29 October 1966
Winter...brr! I've never 'ad it so cold. Last week it was perishin'...
Parker wishes he could go to sunnier climes, but doesn't have the money for a holiday. He decides to run away to sea and work his passage to somewhere tropical. He is accepted onboard a ship, and set to work stoking the engines. That's hard enough, but then he gets seasick and begs the captain to return him to shore - but they haven't even left the dockside yet! He returns to the mansion, where Lil threatens to hit him with her rolling pin if he sneaks off again.
Notes:
• Parker's piggy bank appears in this story, so does this mean he has withdrawn it from the bank vault? Or is this a different piggy?

Lady Penelope Issue 42, dated 05 November 1966
Our for me early morning 'ealth walk, what should I spy through me binoculars...?
Parker joins the Robin Hood Adulation Society. He practices his archery skills on Pearce by trying to shoot an apple from his head, despite Pearce's protest that it was Willaim Tell who did that, not Robin Hood. But Parker's membership of the society is short lived when, at the next meeting, he finds it is his turn to be the target!
Notes:
• This story was reprinted as a full colour strip in the 1972 Thunderbirds annual, with the masthead 'Parker' instead of 'Perils of Parker'.

Lady Penelope Issue 43, dated 12 November 1966
It's not often I go down to the library, but last Thursday was sort of special...
Parker borrows a number of erudite books: Caesar's Punic Wars, The Life of Tolstoy, Basic Gyrodynametrics, Translated Russian Essays, Discovering Monoliths. The librarian is so pleased with Parker's thirst for knowledge that she arranges for Professor Bentsky to give him intellectual guidance. But Parker hasn't borrowed the books to read - he has chosen them for their size, as they will make excellent bridges for his model railway set
Notes:
• People passing by are astonished to see Parker going into the library.
• Parker has been banned from reading annuals in the children's department.
• This story contains a wonderful joke in the exchange between Parker and the librarian:
Librarian: How splendid! You're seeking culture! I also have 'De Bello Gallico'...
Parker: Never mind love. It's amazing what doctor's can do nowadays. - ('De Bello Gallico' being another of Caesar's books, this one on his wars in Gaul.)
• Some of the titles of the books on the library shelves can be read. In the classics section are: 'D.I.Y. Temple Building', 'Noddius En Gualo' (Noddy in Gaul?), 'Sootium Et Sweep' (Sooty and Sweep), 'Andium Pandium' (Andy Pandy), and 'Classical Penelope'. On a different shelf, there is a book titled 'Quantus Maries' - Mary Quant, perhaps?
• This story was almost certainly inspired by 'The Missing Page' from Hancock's Half Hour. At the beginning of that, Tony Hancock asks for a number of erudite (and large) books, much to the surprise and pleasure of the librarian. However, Tony has no intention of reading them: he uses them to stand on so he can reach a lurid thriller on the top of a shelf.

Lady Penelope Issue 44, dated 19 November 1966
Usually I snooze as sound as a log, but just lately I've taken to walkin' in me sleep... Ooh, 'orrible it is...
Parker wakes to find himself on the roof, clinging to the television ariel, and this is the third night the fire brigade have been called out to rescue him. Pearce suggests exercise - it might make Parker too tired to walk in his sleep - so Lil makes the two of them carry crates of wine to the banquet hall. Parker comments that all this work will sap his strength, which gives Perce another idea: if Parker abstains from food before going to bed then he won't have the strength to sleepwalk. Parker follows Perce's new advice, but sleepwalks to the larder, where Lil finds him with a stack of food...which leads her to finding the cure for sleepwalking: a bash over the head with her rolling pin!
Notes:
• The crates have interesting titles on them: 'Vintage Ginger Pop', 'Creme De Root Beer', 'Schnapp Crackle Pop', 'Bubbly Type Champers'.
• Parker carries a crate which reads, '6 Doz. Mini Magnums'; Perce's crate reads, 'More Mini Magnums'.
• When Lil knocks Parker unconscious, there is a thought bubble showing birds tweeting outside the bars of a prison cell.

Lady Penelope Issue 45, dated 26 November 1966
It was me day off last week, but Lil insisted I 'elped 'er just when I was trying to relax...
Lil gets Parker to help her wind yarn, and later she sends him to the village to buy six ounces of mauve wool. After buying the yarn, Parker's attention is caught by a display of yoga books, and he buys one thinking it will help him to relax. He tries one of the positions, but falls when Lil interrupts him. He attempts another position, but again he falls. Realising he needs to be in a trance for yoga to work, he hypnotises himself with his fob watch, and then achieves perfect relaxation while standing on his head. Lil thinks it best not to wake him, but he can still help her wind yarn - she loops the wool over his feet!
Notes:
• The titles of the yoga books read: 'From My Perspective' by Inverted Yoga, 'The Yogi Who Came In From The Cold!', 'Happiness Is A Thing Called Yoga', 'Yoga Is O.K.', 'New Twists On Yoga', 'Yoga In Your Lap'.
• There is also a book called 'Nero Was Go'.
• A sign in the bookshop window says, Read 'I was a teenage yoga addict!!'

Lady Penelope Issue 46, dated 03 December 1966
I'm not always miserable in the mornings, you know... sometimes I'm quite human...
Parker wakes up in an exceptionally good mood. He calls Lil 'Lillian', his mood is not dampened when told the radio is not working, and even the 'crunch crunkle pow' noise of his breakfast cereal, 'Powie Brek', pleases him...in fact, he thinks it might make a new form of entertainment. He sends Lil to the supermarket to buy every box of Powie Brek they have, and then he sorts the crunch, crunkle and pows into separate buckets. When that's finished, he carefully pours milk into the buckets, bit by bit, to play the 1812 Overture! Perce thinks the noise is of someone being shot, and he swats the buckets with his broom. Parker is distraught and vows never to play again. Next morning, Parker refuses to have cereal because it reminds him of his lost dream. Lil hopes the news that the radio has been repaired will cheer him up, but when she turns it on, they hear the 1812 Overture - a Housewife's Choice request Perce sent in for Parker!
Notes:
• Housewife's Choice was a BBC radio programme where listeners could write in and request records to be played for relatives, loved ones and friends.
• This must be the most surreal of the stories... or should that be cereal?

Lady Penelope Issue 47, dated 10 December 1966
I just 'appened to overhear 'er ladyship talking' on the telephone the other day...
Parker overhears Lady Penelope making arrangements for a new waiter at the mansion, and hears her say, 'Parker will have to go.' Thinking he is to be replaced, he looks for another job, but there appears to be no call for butlers. He does get a trial as a driver's mate, delivering packages, and his first delivery is to the mansion. Lady Penelope is unaware of Parker's concerns regarding his job, and when she sees him with the package, she thinks he has been to collect it for her. When it is unwrapped, the contents are... a dumb waiter. Parker isn't loosing his job after all, but Lady Penelope may have a dumb butler as well as a dumb waiter.
Notes:
• Parker reads a book with the title, 'How to Win Friends And Influence The Boss'.
• The employment agency has a vacancy for a Bubble Gum Tester, and vacancies in Siberia!
• On being told that there is no call for butlers, Parker says, 'Taint fair. Nobody can buttle like wot I can!'
• When Parker sees the dumb waiter he thinks, 'Huh, automation's creeping in everywhere!'

Lady Penelope Issue 48, dated 17 December 1966
Occasionally I toddle off down to the village to play snooker with an old mate of mine...
A seemingly unfriendly person moves into the empty house between that of Parker's friend Sam, and the Bank. Playing snooker in Sam's house, Parker hears drilling from next door, and he thinks the new occupant is drilling his way into the bank's vault. They knock on the man's door, but he slams it in their faces. Parker knocks again, and uses his snooker cue to trip the man when he answers the door; Sam uses his cue to hit the man over the head. They call the police, who explain that he wasn't drilling into the vault, but was setting up a dentist's practice. Parker and Sam ask the man if there is anything they can do to make amends, and it appears there is: they can be the dentist's first customers
Notes:
• This story was reprinted as a blue-duotone strip in the 1971 Thunderbirds Holiday Special, with the masthead 'Parker' instead of 'Perils of Parker'.
• Whilst playing snooker, Parker mentions that he is having a rippin' time... just as he rips a hole in the table's fabric.
• When the neighbour slams the door, he yells, 'Go away! I'm not at home to nosey parkers!', and Parker says, 'Strewth! How did 'e know my name?'

Lady Penelope Issue 49, dated 24 December 1966
I always takes a keen interest in 'er ladyships Christmas party...
It is Parker's duty to light the Christmas Pudding, a task which did not go well the previous year when, much to his embarrassment, it would not light. To prevent a repeat of this, Parker waits until it's dark and then creeps down to the kitchen where he pours brandy over the pudding. Unfortunately, Lil and Perce each have the same idea, and, unknown to each other or Parker, pour brandy over the pudding. When the time arrives for Parker to light it, the pudding explodes, leaving him stuck on top of the Christmas Tree! Well, he had wanted the party to go with a bang...
Notes:
• In the pantry there is a tin labeled 'Froot'.

Lady Penelope Issue 50, dated 31 December 1966
When I'm feeling a bit miserable, I go and feed the pigeons on the window sill...
Parker wants to see some bigger game than pigeons, so he takes a trip to the zoo. There is a special admission fee of 9d (nine pre-decimal pennies) for butlers, which means a saving of one shilling and three pennies (in pre-decimal money), so he returns to the mansion to put on his butler's uniform. Once he's in the zoo, Parker thinks it amusing when an elephant takes the spectacles from a zoo keeper. But, without his glasses, the shortsighted keeper thinks Parker is a penguin (because of his suit) and tries feeding him fish! Parker returns home in disgust, changes into casual clothes with a stripped jersey, and returns to the zoo. This time, the shortsighted keeper thinks Parker is an escaped zebra and puts him in a cage with the other zebras. Which leaves Parker grateful he hadn't worn his camel coat!
Notes:
• This story was reprinted as a blue-duotone strip in the 1971 Thunderbirds Holiday Special, with the masthead reading 'Parker', not 'Perils of Parker'.
• The admission fees in the original 1966 story are: Adults 2/- (two shillings pre-decimal), Children 1/- (one shilling pre-decimal) Butlers 9d (nine pennies pre-decimal). The admission fees were converted to decimal currency for the 1971 Thunderbirds Special.
• With the admission fees altered to reflect decimal currency, a change had to be made to the dialogue for the 1971 reprint. In the original 1966 strip, Parker says, 'Huh! What I'll do to save one and threepence!' In the 1971 reprint, he says, 'Huh! What I'll do to save six pence!'.
• The admissions kiosk has a notice above it, which reads: Do Not Feed Animals.